Tying the Knots
by Increasing Paranoia
Summary: His mother speaks of the strings in a hushed voice, her awe evident. Leonard is more skeptical. Destiny. Soul mates. It sounds perfect, except Leonard could reach out his hand and sever that string – both of his strings and why does he have two? Once he's severed those strings he could create new ones in their place and that's not fate, is it? Angst with a happy ending


A/N: Inspired by Chapter 3 of No Heart For Me [Like Yours] over on Archive of Our Own

* * *

He's still a child the first time he sees them. He almost misses them, but then the sun comes out from behind a cloud and he marvels at all the silvery shininess. A soft sigh of admiration escapes him and he reaches out, wanting to touch. The strings look like the soft silk of cobwebs and Leonard imagines they'll feel just as light. He doesn't get the chance to find out.

"No, honey." his mama tells him. Her voice is firm, but the smile on her lips eases the rebuke.

"Those aren't toys." She gives him an easy explanation, something that placates his always curious mind, and lets the matter drop.

Leonard keeps admiring the strings, though.

They revisit the discussion when he's older, – a teenager ready for The Talk, but there's a little something extra in his discussion that other kids don't get. The strings: nature's way of showing people their paths. A gentle nudge in the right direction when applying to colleges that helps the individual find the right job. A simple redirection towards the right person. His mother speaks of the strings in a hushed voice, her awe evident. Leonard is more skeptical. Destiny. Soul mates. It sounds perfect, except Leonard could reach out his hand and sever that string – both of his strings and _why does he have two?_ Once he's severed those strings he could create new ones in their place and that's not fate, is it?

He's special, she tells him. One of few who can manipulate the strings, but this power is only to be used in dire situations. A Golden Rule, but he can't imagine a situation where he'd want to mess with these fragile, silvery threads. He doesn't want to take responsibility for someone else's fate. Too bad he winds up doing just that.

He's older now. He's tried rebelling against his strings, and all it's gotten him is a beautiful daughter and an expensive divorce. On a whim, he decides to follow one of his strings and it leads him to Jim Kirk. He winds up following the kid to a career in Starfleet, preparing to go to _space_ of all things. He thinks he's going to have a lot of headaches in the future.

Because _fate_ is not cruel enough to Leonard, he eventually finds the end of his second string and...it's a goddamn Vulcan. Of course. Of course he's fated to fall love with the world's most careless man and an insufferable hobgoblin. _While in space. Fuck my life,_ he thinks. He ignores the fact that he's already in love with them.

He finds himself spending a lot of time with Jim and Spock, and he doesn't miss the little questioning looks that Jim gives the Vulcan. He knows where those looks are coming from. McCoy's had his own discussions with Spock Prime, knows that he and his Kirk were soul mates. It makes sense, Leonard thinks. Both men are so fucking perfect. Seeing them together... Clearly this universe has erred by tying the men to _Leonard_ of all people. He tries to ignore it, but little by little, McCoy wears down. It's not the big things, he thinks, but the little ones. The little looks, little touches, there's so many between the two men and if they can be like that with each other when there is no string...

They're two years into their five year mission when McCoy finally breaks down. He doesn't tell Jim or Spock the truth, no. He draws a string between the two men; he wants them to be happy, even if it means he's not. He waits until he can see for certain that this string has worked. Then there's just one small matter to clear up.

That night, he makes his excuses to the Captain and First Officer, shuts himself into his quarters with a bottle of whiskey, and drinks until he can't feel anymore. Then he gathers two strings into one hand – they're as silky as he thought they'd be – says a prayer that this will only hurt him, and makes a cut. He doesn't hear the gasp that escapes his mouth. He's already unconscious.

* * *

"Where the hell is Bones?!" Jim screams. He's lying on a biobed, Spock unconscious on the bed next to his, and no one seems to know where the CMO is. "Is it a psychic attack?" he asks. His head is pounding, but he grits his teeth and ignores it. Whatever it is, it's clearly affected the Vulcan more than it's affected him. _Probably because of his telepathy._ "Where is Bones?" he asks again as Christine comes up, ready to run another battery of tests.

"We...we don't know," she tells him softly. "We tried comming him as soon as you were brought in but we haven't received an answer." The news makes something twist in his gut and the blond snags the nurse's hands, stilling her movements and forcing her to look him in the face.

"Christine, get someone to check on him. Now," he orders. Chapel's eyes widen, but she gives a curt nod. Turning, she motions another nurse over to take her place before rushing out of sickbay like the hounds of Hell are on her heels. Jim waits impatiently, watching as M'Benga checks over the unconscious First Officer. His stomach twists when he hears Chapel over the comm, ordering a biobed to the CMO's quarters.

The man looks small when he's brought in, the blood trickling out of his nose the only color on his pale face. Whatever's happened, it's clear that Bones has borne the brunt of it. Jim watches his friend vanish behind a privacy curtain as what seems to be the entire medical staff descends upon the man.

"Captain," a voice calls, and Jim turns to see the half-Vulcan looking at him. Spock is still lying on the biobed, pale and weakened but clearly eager to discuss what's happened.

"How are you feeling, Spock?" he asks. There's a pause as the Vulcan considers the question.

"It feels...as if a bond has been abruptly severed," Spock tells him. His brow furrows in a rare show of confusion. "I do not understand how this could have happened."

"We're still trying to figure that out," the blond says. "It seems that only you, myself and Bones were affected by it. Christine says you and I are fine with the exception of some erratic brain waves. Whatever happened, it seems to have affected Bones the most." He nods to where the medical staff are still working on the older man.

Spock turns and his eyes widen in surprise. The curtain, usually closed for privacy, has been pushed back to let the staff come and go, giving the Vulcan a clear view of the doctor. McCoy's skin, usually so tanned, is the same color as the sheets. The blood has been smeared across his face and the man, typically larger than life, looks dwarfed by the men and women surrounding him. Spock's face hardens.

"We must find out who is responsible for this," he states. Jim nods his agreement.

M'Benga comes and gives them another once over, and although he can't find anything wrong, he orders them to remain in the med bay overnight. The two agree, immediately taking up a bedside vigil on either side of the doctor; despite the wishes of both men, Leonard doesn't wake up. In the morning, the Captain and First Officer are cleared for duty barring any relapse of symptoms. Both check in with med bay throughout the day, but there is no improvement regarding the doctor.

"When is he going to wake up?" Jim asks a week later. M'Benga lifts his hands and shrugs in a helpless gesture. This is not something he's dealt with before, and he can offer neither words of wisdom nor words of comfort.

"If I might make a suggestion, Captain?" Spock says. "Perhaps the Ambassador might know something useful." It's a long shot, but both the Captain and First officer are getting desperate.

"See if he's available," Jim says with a nod. The worry hasn't left his face, but it has eased some. Spock nods before heading to his quarters to make the call.

"Ambassador," Spock greets later that evening as the Vulcan answers his communicator. His other self smiles at the younger men; Spock tries not to feel uncomfortable with the open expression. The older Vulcan notes the grim expression on Jim's face and he seems to understand the seriousness of the situation, because he skips the idle pleasantries that usually begin their conversations.

"What has happened?" he inquires. Spock relays the details as concisely as possible, with Jim's frequent additions. When finished, he gives the other Vulcan the opportunity to digest the news before asking his question.

"Have you heard of anything similar before?"

The Ambassador looks at him with a placid smile. "Forgive me a presumptuous question. Know that I would not ask if it were not important to the situation." He pauses, waiting for both Spock and Kirk to nod before he continues. "My question is whether the both of you have romantic feelings for Dr. McCoy." There is a pregnant pause where neither men answer. Spock steadfastly refuses to look at Jim. Finally, Jim sighs.

"I do," he says quietly, giving Spock's arm a soft squeeze. Spock pauses as a feeling of relief flows through him before he nods.

"You know that in my time line, my Jim and I were t'hy'la. However, our relationship was not complete without Leonard," the Ambassador tells them. Spock is not surprised by the news. He had felt his own attraction to the man, but had held off on acting as he tried to figure out his feelings for their Captain.

"So, it was all three of you?" Jim asks.

"Indeed," the Ambassador confirms. "It was how Jim and I learned of his family's...unique abilities." He pauses and a small frown mars his face. "Ordinarily I would not like to betray his trust, but it seems as if the situation calls for it. Leonard's family oversee the strings of fate." When his announcement is met with silence he explains further. "They can add or remove strings at will, change the course of fate on a whim. They can tie two people together or sever them with the wave of a hand. It is a heavy responsibility and one that my Leonard took as seriously as his Hippocratic Oath. The reason that I am telling you this," he continues, "is because I believe that your Leonard has created a string...and severed two others."

"Dammit!" Jim shouts as he pushes away from the table. Of course Bones noticed his attraction to his First Officer. Of course Bones broke down and connected the two. And of course Bones then severed any other connections that had been left. "I'm going to kill him."

"That would be counterproductive, Jim," Spock says, though he, too, is struggling with the news. He says his farewells to the Ambassador and signs off. "There is still the matter of bringing him out of the coma. Perhaps a mind meld would assist?" He doesn't make the suggestion lightly. He can still feel where the bond has been broken, an open and angry wound in his mind. Vulcan healing trances and meditation have helped him to cope, but he suspects the damage done to the doctor's mind is much worse. After all, he and Jim have only sustained one loss. McCoy has purposely given himself _two._ Spock is surprised, but extremely grateful, that the ornery man has even survived.

"Yeah. Yeah, that might work. If you feel up to it?" Jim says. Spock nods and leads the way back to med bay. "Of all the stupid, stubborn, self-sacrificing…" the Captain mutters as he trails after the Vulcan. "Why do you think he did it?"

The question catches Spock off guard. He tilts his head to the side, considering the facts. "It is my understanding that the doctor has a very low opinion of himself," he begins slowly. "It is noticeable in his constant use of self-deprecation, as well as his desire to downplay his achievements rather than celebrate them. In addition, as his last serious relationship ended poorly, I would hypothesize that this adversely affected the doctor even further."

"So you're saying: once bitten, twice shy?" Jim asks, bemused.

"Has someone bitten the doctor?" Spock queries as the doors to med bay slide open. Jim's laughter echoes in the room as he follows the Vulcan to where the doctor is still lying on his bed.

"It's a saying, Spock," the blond explains. "I guess I can understand where he's coming from, even if I still intend to yell at him about it." He takes a seat on the right side of the bed and stares at McCoy's sleeping face. "He's always been more concerned about taking care of the two of us than he has been about taking care of himself. Should have figured that would carry over to relationships, too." He sighs, shaking his head. "Stupid," he murmurs. "I thought he knew, you know?"

"No," Spock tells him because, indeed, he does not know. Jim seems to realize that he's been musing out loud and gives the Vulcan a wry grin.

"I thought Bones knew how I felt about him," he says. "I thought you and I had time to figure out this thing between us before approaching him."

"A logical conclusion," Spock says. "But you neglected to account for the emotional aspect. You and I both know that while the doctor can be a very scientifically minded man, he still reacts with his emotions first. It is unsurprising, then, that he would desire his closest friend to be happy with whomever he chose, regardless of what fate might say in the matter."

"But why didn't he _say_ anything?" Jim whines.

"You are aware that you are not the only individual who has been speaking with the Ambassador. I have no doubt that the doctor is aware of our connection in the alternate universe. I also have no doubt that the doctor likely took this information into account when he first noticed our interactions together. After that, I must hypothesis that Leonard concluded that this universe erred and proceeded to…correct its mistake."

"Leonard, huh?" the Captain says with a knowing smile. Spock doesn't bat an eyelash.

"You have admitted your attraction to the doctor," he points out logically. "I have also confessed to the same attraction. I logically presumed that once we address the doctor's medical issue that we would be speaking about pursuing a deeper relationship with the man."

"I'd like that, Spock." Jim tells him, a grin spreading across his face. "Think you can get him back?"

Spock doesn't respond, only sits at the doctor's bedside, fingers splaying on the psi points as he whispers the words needed to initiate a meld. He's barely touched the doctor's mind before he nearly drops the meld. The pain is overwhelming, and Spock briefly wonders how the man has not only survived, but managed to avoid losing his mind. Because despite the all-encompassing _hurt_ , the Vulcan can sense McCoy's mind is still functioning, can feel other emotions traveling along the brain waves. For a moment, he is thankful. Then he steels himself and delves deeper into the epicenter of the unruly human's mind.

Surprisingly enough, the doctor's mind shows itself as an _actual_ brain. Spock finds himself bemused at the situation, but doesn't let it divert him from his mission. He finds the doctor in the amygdala, elbows deep in blood as he tries to staunch the bleeding.

"Doctor," he calls softly. The man glances over his shoulder with a scowl, but doesn't halt his motions or bother to reply. "Leonard," Spock tries this time. A shudder wracks the doctor's frame. It's enough of a response for Spock to move forward, entering the other man's personal space.

"What do you _want,_ hobgoblin?" the doctor asks. There's a tired resignation in his voice that causes the Vulcan to frown. The human never admits to defeat – to find him so willing to give up when a conversation has just started is disconcerting.

"What I _and_ Jim desire is for our strings to be reconnected to an ill-tempered, impossible doctor," he states. It is not, he thinks, as subtle as he would normally be, but if he is correct then the doctor is fairly close to dying. He needs his strings reconnected. Immediately. Leonard stares at him, mouth gaping open in surprise, and Spock finds himself illogically irritated that the doctor finds himself so unlovable and undesirable. It is something he fully intends on remedying as soon as Leonard is not in danger of dying.

"Now wait one godforsaken minute," Leonard snaps, temper flaring. "Where the hell do you get off?" He abandons his work to turn and face the Vulcan head on. "You come barging into my head uninvited and start _insulting_ me?"

"I would not need to come into your head, invited or otherwise, if you had not been so intent on severing bonds that were never intended to be broken," Spock snaps. He is finding it difficult to control his emotions. There are so many of them running rampant in the doctor's mind, it's causing him to lose his normal Vulcan control.

" _How the hell do you know about that?!"_ McCoy demands.

"How do you think, Leonard? We contacted the Ambassador. We thought that the three of us had suffered some sort of psychic attack, but while Jim and I recovered, you remained in a coma. We could find _nothing_ to explain it. You've been unresponsive for a week, and after seeing the damage," Spock gestures toward the damaged area, "it is clear that you are close to dying."

"Shit," McCoy mutters. "I'm sorry," he whispers, looking away from the Vulcan. "You and Jim weren't supposed to feel anything."

"You were unaware of the effects?" Spock asks, somewhat surprised.

"It's not like I go messing with strings for the fun of it," Leonard snaps, eyes flashing in anger. _There you are,_ Spock thinks. Something of the thought must get across, because the older man suddenly flushes and looks away again.

Spock says nothing, instead bypassing the human and taking his place at the damaged amygdala. He sees the damage that the severed bonds have caused, even more so than his own, and he smooths a hand over the sensitive area. McCoy hisses – even the slightest touch is painful – but then it seems that the fight drains out of him.

"Can you survive with one bond reestablished?" Spock asks.

"Ugh." Leonard licks his lips. "I think so?" Surprise flashes across his face. "You want me to?"

"I never desired for our bond to be severed in the first place, Leonard." And that, Leonard knows, is the equivalent of a Vulcan sonnet. McCoy draws up the strings before hesitating and waving them away.

"Spock, you don't want to be tied to me. I'm nothing like Jim. I'm cranky, I'm illogical and I constantly needle you about your goddamn emotions. You have them, no matter how much you try to deny it. What you and Jim have," he shakes his head, looking away from the Vulcan. "I don't want to be the squeaky wheel." The doctor tells him. He turns back to the amygdala but makes no move to continue his attempts to heal it. For the longest moment, Spock is terrified that the doctor has given up.

"Leonard," he begins slowly. "You severed the strings a standard week ago. By now, any residual feelings that Jim and myself would have been feeling due to fate will have dissipated. Despite this, both of us admitted to our attraction to you while speaking with the Ambassador. I do not understand how you could possibly be a 'squeaky wheel' when not only has fate tied the three of us together, but our regard for you continues despite the presence of these strings."

McCoy sighs. "You're never going to understand idioms, are you?" Still, a small smile spreads across his face. "We're still going to argue and piss each other off." He warns.

"I enjoy our debates and I am sure Jim will mediate any misunderstandings." Spock responds.

"You'll get sick of me eventually." McCoy says.

"You are not the influenza virus, Leonard." the Vulcan tells him, allowing a small smirk to show. McCoy lets out a startled laugh. He still looks unsure but with a speed that would make Vulcans proud, he reconnects their strings before following Spock back to consciousness.

He wakes up in med bay, one hand clasped by a Vulcan and the other hand clasped by James T. Kirk. His head is pounding, but not, he supposes, as badly as it could be. If he concentrates enough he can see a small, shimmering thread between himself and Spock, and the sight suffuses him with a giddy happiness. And then Jim starts yelling.

"Dammit, Bones! What the hell were you thinking?" he demands, releasing McCoy's hand as he stands to pace the med bay. "I know I wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but this takes the cake! You didn't think to maybe _talk_ about this with the two of us?" McCoy knows he's not really looking for an answer because the blond continues on. "Do you have any idea how much of a panic we were in? You were _unconscious,_ Bones."

"You weren't supposed to know," he says. He knows it's not the right thing to say, but he just woke up, dammit. "I didn't think it would be that bad," he adds.

"It was illogical to take an action without considering the full ramifications of those actions," Spock states. McCoy frowns, tugging his hand out of the Vulcan's grip. He's just woken up, they're already in an argument, and it's two against one.

"That's me," he tells them bitterly. "The illogical one. Now that we've established that, you can both get the hell out of my med bay. You're disrupting the patient." And with that, Leonard pulls the covers up over his shoulders before turning on his side. If his back just happens to be facing Jim and Spock, well, so much the better. He knows they need to talk about this at some point, but he can't right now. It's still too raw.

Once he's recovered, McCoy finds himself taken off rotation for a week, and while he understands where M'Benga is coming from, he still wants to kill the man. He locks himself in his quarters with a stack of PADDs and resigns himself to catching up on his reports and recently released medical articles. He's two days into his task when his lock is overridden. He sighs but says nothing – it's not like he hasn't been expecting this.

He can hear the shuffling behind him, but McCoy refuses to turn around. He has put his own wants, needs and desires to the side for long enough. He's followed this idiot into _space_ and messed with the strings, all to make him happy, so this time…this time the kid can make the first damn move.

"Spock said you were almost dead," Jim says softly. McCoy hums in agreement. "You would have died without the connections." McCoy hums again. "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm as much to blame for this situation as you and then I acted like-"

"A pigheaded brat?" McCoy asks, finally looking at the younger man. He's surprised to find Spock standing behind Jim, but he supposes it only makes sense for him to be here. This is, after all, about the three of them. Jim shifts uncomfortably and Leonard relents. "I'll be surprised if you ever respond differently." Jim flashes him a brilliant smile. If Bones is being snarky, then he knows he is forgiven.

"Well, you almost died," the blond points out amiably.

"Don't like being on the receiving end of a heart attack?" McCoy asks innocently. Jim huffs, but Bones sees the smirk on his face. And the amusement on Spock's.

" _Bones,"_ Jim whines. McCoy relents, placing his PADD aside and standing up.

" _What?"_ he asks, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Spock, who hasn't spoken since he entered, moves around the blond to stand in front of Leonard. McCoy eyes him but says nothing.

"Leonard, I am glad to see you are feeling like your normal argumentative self," Spock tells him. McCoy snorts, mostly out of amusement, but the Vulcan continues on. "As neither you nor the Captain are inclined to state what you mean, I will endeavor to translate." He clasps his arms behind his back and shifts so that he is facing both Leonard and Jim. "Approximately two weeks ago, I am given to understand that you drew a string between myself and the Captain. After approximately three days, you were sufficiently satisfied that the string you created had the desired effect, and you severed the strings between yourself, Jim and me. Jim and I immediately felt the adverse effect and were taken to sick bay."

"You weren't supposed to feel anything," McCoy whispers again, pain flashing through his eyes. Jim moves to his side, offering silent support. Spock acknowledges the words with a nod before continuing on with his narrative.

"It was discovered that you were also affected, and you were in a coma for approximately 1.2 weeks. During this time, nothing could be done for you medically. Jim and I kept vigil at your bedside before conferring with Ambassador Selek. Once we knew the truth, I initiated a mind meld and, after reconnecting our severed strings, brought you out of your coma. During the past two days Jim and I have had ample opportunity to discuss what has happened and what we would like the outcome to be."

"And what was that?" McCoy asks while lifting one eyebrow.

"Jim desires to have his string reconnected. As he is still aware of his feelings for you despite the severed connection, it is logical to reestablish the bond. Your desired effect was not achieved and the reconnection will have the added bonus of easing the remaining pain in your mind. Once connections have been reestablished we will need to have a serious discussion about the misunderstandings that led to such a drastic and preventable incident." Spock pauses and very nearly smirks at the expression on both mens' faces. He knows neither man enjoys discussing feelings, but it's imperative to do so. "Then," he continues on serenely, "we can begin this relationship the way it was _intended._ "

"And I suppose you're going to make us suffer through the heavy discussion in order to get to the relationship aspect, huh?" Leonard asks, but there is a smile on his face. Spock smiles.

"Indeed."

McCoy feels a gentle tug on his left arm and turns. Jim is there, looking both anxious and impatient. Bones would scowl at him, but he's finding it difficult to do anything but smile at the moment. He calls up the strings and finds the edge of the one he's cut. He draws a new string, tying it to the end of the one he so foolishly damaged before connecting it to Jim. He doesn't stop there, though. He doubles back, winding the string around itself before tying it off, strengthening it. He turns to the new string he had created for Spock and gives it the same treatment. When he's finished both men are smiling at him. He knows they still have an uncomfortable discussion ahead of them, but he feels like maybe he can handle it now. After all, it's just one more knot that needs to be tied.

~Review~


End file.
